Musings of a Traveler

12 July 2008
The Musings of a Traveler.
For all who have experienced the exasperation of setting the clock ahead an hour each spring when day-light savings time is manifest, it is easy to conceive of the affect upon the traveler heading eastward. Periodically notice is given to reset wristwatches and alarm clocks to the new time zone’s requirement. On this particular cruise of twelve days, our ship manages to cross through three time zones on its voyage from Dover, England to St. Petersburg, Russia causing three nights in six days when all lose an hour’s sleep. And then the ship turns around and returns to Dover providing travelers an extra hour’s sleep every other day. What a wonderful idea. Passengers disembark feeling well rested, given the extra sack time during the last six days, and all go home to report that the cruise was “restful”. Restful for all except those revelers who dance and drink away the night no matter what the time.
For the home bound, the routine of sun up and sun down is one that becomes a part of one’s being that can be taken for granted. The closer home is to the equator, the less the change in the hour of expected sun actions. Traveling to the extremes of the hemispheres introduces some interesting changes. Since this trip is close to the middle of the year and in the northern hemisphere, days are a bit longer than most of the passengers are accustomed. As an example, the daily bulletin on board ship, “Freestyle Daily” (every ship as a cutesy title for its bulletin), reported while in St. Petersburg, Russia, our northern most port, that sunset was scheduled for 11:35 PM and sunrise at 5:16 AM. I recall on our previous circuit, twelve days earlier, noting that sunrise was schedule for 4:20 AM. One actually can read by the light of the “midnight sun” as I learned for the first time in 1989 when friends took me on a 1:00 AM canal boat ride in then Leningrad. In 1997 I recall walking the dog past midnight in Fairbanks, Alaska and watching teams in a local softball league start their game after midnight without any field lights. It’s a wonderful world but kind of strange until you get used to it.
Eating on board a modern cruise liner is an art form. Most passengers react to the abundance of food with gusto and determination. Few seemed to eat as they normally do when at home. But then, home doesn’t have eight to ten restaurants under its roof, all within walking distance even for cripples, with a variety of cuisine to satisfy any and all tastes. The rule of the house is that the passenger gets what he wants, when he wants it, whether he needs it or not. If lobster tail is on the menu, why not order two, or three, or four. Like Bill Clinton mused; he did it because he could. The number of passengers within view each evening who order two or three desserts following each meal is enough to blow one away. In between meals there is a constant offering of wonderful stuff. A grill near the pool on this ship fires up its kitchen at 2:00 PM creating the aroma of barbecued hamburgers and such that has the effect of popcorn cooking in a movie theater. Two hours after lunch is served a line forms for hamburgers and fries with all the trimmings. The question of the day is obvious: WHERE DO THEY PUT IT ALL? This traveler has learned the hard way that he can’t do that. It took me a week to find where they hide the bathroom scales and I dutifully visit it once a day which leads to breakfasts consisting solely of fruit, lunches of salads and dinners with only one appetizer and one entree. It’s a challenge that few seem capable of conquering.
BINGO With all the wonderful things to do on board a cruise ship, it continues to amaze me the numbers who are attracted to the daily Bingo game. It costs big bucks to participate but it is something one can do in a seated position that doesn’t take any great mental exercise or stress. Maybe that’s what a cruise vacation is all about; but Bingo? By the size of the pay outs, I imagine the game is probably one of the ship’s biggest money makers. But then, if one wins the “big one” one can pay off the credit card bill when it comes.
On Board shopping seems to attract hordes of folks no matter what is being sold. Having the privilege of doing the same cruise twice now I have become aware that each of the twelve days at sea is like the twelve days of Christmas. Each has it’s special sale. We have watches, jade, silver and gold chains made from spools of chain of different patterns and sizes, booze at wonderful discounts but you can’t drink it on the ship ( If you get sloppy you have to pay dearly for the privilege), and oh yes - paintings. Why folks would pay big bucks for a cruise and air fare to get there and then spend a part of each day attending an “art auction” to buy “some of the truly great art of our life time”. They do. Maybe it’s the free champagne that always flows at such affairs.
The bigger the ship, the greater the number of places to listen to music and drink, or maybe its drink and listen to music. Each venue has its specialty in music. This is all fine and good, except that the world of entertainment knows in its heart that people won’t come unless the performance is going to be something special. So we have “sock hops” featuring music from the 50s and 60s, or “Latin Night”, or Country Western Night”, “Waltz Away the Night” and such. The observation I have made, being an aficionado of entertainment of any sort, is that no matter what the evening’s fare is announced to be, the music is always the same. Dance combos play like they only know a limited number of songs and that’s what they play, no matter what the Entertainment Director has decided to call the evenings fare. Have you ever watched people try to line dance to “The Girls from Ipanema”?
The nightly “show” in the ship’s big theater has its ups and downs but people attend whatever is showing and always clap loudly at the end. The best shows are always those performed by the cast of boy and girl singers and dancers. These kids work hours to bring their performances to a finely honed point of perfection. The energy exhibited alone is worth the price of admission which by the way is free. The shows always try to capture the unique talents of the troupe and exploit them to the fullest. This troupe has a couple of male dancers who do marvelous forward flips that always miraculously get worked into the show. The girl dancers are all lovely and skinny and are always costumed to take advantage of their loveliness about which no man in the audience dare complain. To please the ladies, I suppose, all dances involving male dancers guarantee a couple of times in the show where the male dancers turn their back sides to the audience and wiggle their bottoms. There must be a purpose there that escapes me but it’s a sure thing it will happen. Beyond the troupe’s performance, ships always have a juggler, a magician, a comedian and a musical performer of some sort. On this cruise we have a marimba player who can also play a half dozen other instruments that are worked into his act. We do have a male vocalist but he probably isn’t very good because the show band plays so loudly backing him up that it’s hard to know if he’s good or not. Girl singers are my favorite but none is aboard on this cruise.
The daily bulletin of each ship I’ve ever sailed on always has an interesting announcement that sounds like I should see what’s happening. The announcements are always the same: “Friends of Bill W” and “Friends of Dorothy”. The announcement usually reads that the “friends” will meet in one of he bars on board about 5:00 PM. I now know for certain what these friend groups are all about. Friends of Bill W are members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Why they meet in a bar I’m not sure although I noticed yesterday that this cruise’s Friends of Bill W just switched their meeting place to the Chapel. Not many ships come equipped with a Chapel but this one does. Friends of Dorothy clarified its mission on the first day of this cruise by adding the letters GLBT to the announcement which I was told stands for Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transgender. I guess I won’t bother with visiting the Friends of Dorothy although the name certainly intrigues me.
All of the above leads one to the conclusion that maybe it’s not wise to spend too much time on cruise ships and away from home. My traveling friend Marty is a good example. He proudly tells all, whether they ask him or not, that this is his 53rd cruise in less than four years. Since the only thing Marty ever finds to talk about is how many times he has been in the port we are currently visiting, maybe too much of any one thing can really be too much, no matter how wonderful it sounds. On the other hand, it’s nice to have Marty around when a tour guide in a new town is needed.
Love and kisses to all,
Grandpa Bill, Dad, Bill and Mr. B